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Sex and the Spiritual Teacher: Why It Happens, When It's a Problem, and What We All Can Do, by Scott Edelstein
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Sex and the Spiritual Teacher looks at the complex of forces that tempt otherwise insightful, compassionate, and well-intentioned teachers to lose their way--and that tempt some of their students to lose their way as well. It analyzes why most of our current efforts to keep spiritual teachers from transgressing usually don't (and in fact can't) work. Perhaps most importantly, it suggests a set of practices and structures that can build community, encourage healthy student-teacher relationships, increase trust and spiritual intimacy between teachers and their students, and help authentic spiritual teachers stay happily monogamous or celibate. Sex and the Spiritual Teacher is for anyone who is or might become part of a spiritual community: students, teachers, clergy, lay leaders, and even casual visitors. It's a reader-friendly, no-nonsense guide to making spiritual life safer and fuller for all of us one person, relationship, and community at a time.
- Sales Rank: #1242654 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Wisdom Publications
- Published on: 2011-03-01
- Released on: 2011-03-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .50" w x 6.00" l, .79 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 264 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
About the Author
Scott Edelstein has studied happily and productively with several spiritual teachers, including Toni Packer, Dainin Katagiri, Tim McCarthy, and (currently) Steve Hagen. As the friend of several spiritual teachers, he has also spent much time with them "off duty," sometimes serving as confidant. He is a longtime practitioner of both Buddhism and Judaism, and a committed proponent of serious spirituality in all forms and traditions. Scott's short work on spiritual topics has appeared in Shambhala Sun, American Jewish World, The Writer, the anthology What About God?, and elsewhere. He is also the author of 15 other books on a wide range of subjects.
Most helpful customer reviews
20 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
"Sex and the Spiritual Teacher: Why It Happens, When It's a Problem, and What We All Can Do."
By Linda Compton
Given my personal and professional experiences with this painful and all too pervasive topic, I was indeed interested to read this book. Many years ago, on my college-sponsored study trip to India, one of my Philosophy professors (who was also Chairman of the Department) and our spiritual teacher (a native of India), pressured me for sex. While young and unsure if rejecting the advances of the two most powerful men in my declared major might damage my grades (or worse), I was nonetheless clear about being completely uninterested.
Fast-forward a few decades. As a seminary graduate and ordained Protestant clergy, I was called to serve a church which had just gone through the process of removing its married senior pastor for various abuses of power, including multiple affairs with women in his congregation. My charge was, in part, to help with the healing process.
Mindful of my own experiences, these are the thoughts that came to me as I read Scott Edelstein's book, "Sex and the Spiritual Teacher: Why It Happens, When It's a Problem, and What We All Can Do."
*this is a tremendously smart and highly readable resource based on research and experience
*woven throughout is the commitment to creating a deeper understanding of the potent dynamics between students and teachers within spiritual communities, and offering ways to make them safer and more effective
*there is a call to action, complete with guidance and direction
*contains excellent materials for increased awareness and prevention
*here is a thoughtful work with depth, insight and empathy that combines scholarship with everyday examples from real life, and unflinching clarity that includes compassion, accountability and a stand for justice
*this guy has a real willingness to tackle the tough issues with honesty, humanity and (where appropriate and most welcome) humor
If this book were required reading for all seminarians, spiritual students, teachers and seekers, and all governing bodies and boards of our various faith traditions, I believe that collectively we could redeem, restore and heal much of what has been lost, broken or damaged within our culture where healthy and safe boundaries have been violated. And importantly, prevent many future abuses of power and misconduct.
Additionally, I believe Edelstein's definitions and descriptions, though-provoking questions, and his specific guidelines, suggestions and examples extend beyond our spiritual communities to address the broader dynamics of leadership and authority within relationships, communities and institutions. His treatment of gender differences is truly first rate. He looks with a keen and perceptive eye at the very real human proclivity toward the use and potential abuse of power in its many guises and expressions. I highly recommend this book.
7 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Everyone involved in a spiritual community should read this book
By Lizabeth Roemer
This is an invaluable book that turns toward a topic that so many people turn away from. Scott Edelstein brings compassion and wisdom to exploring the understandable, human reasons these transgressions often arise, without wavering in the clear message that they must be avoided for the sake of all members of the spiritual community. He provides clear, helpful guidelines that all community members can follow to avoid these situations or address them when they have occurred. I highly recommend this book for spiritual teachers and students, and really for anyone involved in a teacher-student relationship.
-Lizabeth Roemer, Ph.D.
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A Conversation that Needs to Happen
By spiritmom
This book addresses an issue that is real. Some other reviews seem to think this is a kind of "anti-sex" or "anti-male" diatribe (hmmmm, on the last one as this was written by a man). It is neither. It is not discrimination to describe a reality that exists in the world: male spiritual teachers, male ministers, male priests, etc. are the predominant gender that crosses sexual boundaries from positions where they provide elderhood, spiritual mentoring, pastoral care, guidance, trust and authority. The issues here are not about "puritanicalism" but about power imbalances in the spiritual setting, the effect of the sexual relationship of a teacher/student on the entire sangha/community, the vulnerability of the student acolyte who has come for spiritual guidance, the confusion of roles of lover and teacher. While there are quite a few famous gurus who have crossed this boundary, that does not make it right - only more indicative of the prevalence of this issue and the need for a conversation about it. Human beings are complex and can have wisdom in some areas and blinders on in others, especially where personal desire and arousal are concerned.
I have a friend who insists she was not harmed in any way by her sexual affair with her guru, yet she confessed that she wound up ultimately having to leave the community because of confusion over the mixing of roles of lover and teacher, and there were also dynamics that played out in the community as well because of it. This is similar in some ways to the workplace and the proscriptions on office romance, especially between bosses and employees, where issues of power and perception are also present, and also reminiscent in other ways of other healer/seeker of help type of situations, such as psychotherapist/client, doctor/patient, etc. It's about boundaries not any judgment about sex. The professor/student affair can also cause harm to the student or the classroom as well and the vast majority of universities and institutions of learning have rules about that practice for good reason.
In no way does Edelstein bash sex or have a repressed view of it (or I would not have read this book, being someone who studies tantra). The fact is that power imbalances and boundary crossings by teachers into sexualized connections, even when consensual, are most often harmful to the spiritual community and the individual. Even in the context of tantra teachers there should be boundaries that respect the sacred role of teacher - student. There is no harm in waiting until the student teacher relationship has ended to sexualize the relationship (other than impatience of desire), and there is much potential harm in not waiting as Edelstein accurately points out. Edelstein describes conscious ways that sex and love can be expressed respectfully without harming the individual or the community by maintenance of proper boundaries and timing. While this book may have some flaws, overall it is a much needed conversation that Edelstein has opened up. I look forward to the evolution of his ideas in future revisions.
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